There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
