How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
