I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
