I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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