And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
