I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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