12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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