meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
