her facebook's as public as her vagina
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
