I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
