And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My bed smells like the plague
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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