today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
