i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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