Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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