i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
home. puking in laundry basket.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
