Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
