Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
