Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i dont even know how to be here
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
