I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
