allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
