So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
