My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
