sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
