I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
