haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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