He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize