how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
