I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
