Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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