I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
