bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
