I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
