Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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