Cold hands, warm shart.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
