after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize