You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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