how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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