i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
