I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
