and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
