so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
