i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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