It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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