im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
