marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
