Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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