Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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