We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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