Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
