so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
