i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
