Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize