K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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