Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize