i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
