Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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