nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
