Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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