I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
