He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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