I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
