you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
