I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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