Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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