i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there's paper in my vomit.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
