If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
