Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
