I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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