did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You dont lie about slip and slides
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
