dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
