do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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