last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize