The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
