Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
