So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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