He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
