dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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