you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
